I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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