The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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