Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
