ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
