Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
