fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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