It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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