Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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