You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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