He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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