Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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