He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
