He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
