Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
