I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
