Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
