If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
