we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
