You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
