I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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