He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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