i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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