They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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