We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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