Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
