I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
