96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
