i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
