We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
