i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
