My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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