Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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