Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
