so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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