Whod you bang
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
