Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
