Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
