either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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