my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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