he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
