We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
