Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
