I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
