The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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