im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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