Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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