Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
