Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
