I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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