Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
