i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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