Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
