when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
